Dig: Lenny Bruce was Jewish

I've been doing my best to meet people who actually live in this adopted city of my birth, and so I've been attending various social events planned and promoted by the synagogue to which my family has always belonged. Last night I joined a handful of other 20- and 30-something Jews at Red Emma's, in Baltimore's Mt. Vernon neighborhood, for a program called "Java Jews." We younguns were also joined by Rabbi Rex Perlmeter, the head rabbi at the congregation. I've known Rabbi Perlmeter for years, and actually quite like him, so I was looking forward to this get together.

The point was to engage in conversation between and among we Gen Y-Me-ers and the good rabbi. The topic, announced only at Red Emma's once we were all seated, was "What does it mean to be Jewish?" It was an interesting and lively conversation that I won't bore you with now. The rabbi (ha-shem bless him) brought a few texts to aid in the discussion. One of them was from the very funny Lenny Bruce. I'd like to share it with you here:

(NOTE: I do not condone the use of the word "goyish" in this way--it's sorta derogatory and ugly. But I am not presumptuous enough to edit the great Mr. Bruce, so just know that if I were to repeat this beautiful little taxonomy, I would use "not Jewish" in place of "goyish." Okay, disclaimer over, onto the good stuff.)

Jewish and Goyish

Dig: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. B'nai B'rith is goyish; Hadassah, Jewish.
If you live in New York or any other big city, you are Jewish. It doesn't matter even if you're Catholic; if you live in New York, you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you're going to be goyish even if you're Jewish.

Kool-Aid is goyish. Evaporated milk is goyish even if the Jews invented it. Chocolate is Jewish and fudge is goyish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jello is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish.

All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes, goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish, macaroons are very Jewish.

Negroes are all Jews. Italians are all Jews. Irishmen who have rejected their religion are Jews. Mouths are very Jewish. And bosoms. Baton-twirling is very goyish.

Underwear is definitely goyish. Balls are goyish. Titties are Jewish.

Celebrate is a goyish word. Observe is a Jewish word. Mr. and Mrs. Walsh are celebrating Christmas with Major Thomas Moreland, USAF (ret.), while Mr. and Mrs. Bromberg observed Hanukkah with Goldie and Arthur Schindler from Kiamesha, New York.

--Lenny Bruce

For the record, I've just got to remind those of you who knew my grandmother, Mrs. Ruth Berman (did any of you know my grandmother? No? That's a shame. She was a great lady.), that she used to tell me, with much vehemence, that I should never eat plain vanilla ice cream, because, "that's for gentiles!" Chocolate was the only fully approved Jewish flavor of ice cream, and other flavors (mint chocolate chip, butter pecan) would be tolerated, but never fully embraced.