To Do: update blog

I opened my email this morning to find a missive from a loyal Chutzpahite reminding me that putting "update blog" on my to-do list every day just isn't enough.

Art visited last weekend. (Previously on the Chutzpah Files: Art is the boyfriend who, though he loves me dearly, could not bring himself to marry, even me.) I hear your collective heads shaking in disapproval! That's the reason I didn't write until after the fact. (Okay, actually I've just been lazy, but that sounds better.) Before you mutter under your breath, let me tell you about the weekend.

It was lovely. Relaxing and pleasant. It was great to spend time with this person whom I love and who loves me. Someone who recognized that my hair was, in fact, very long for me (I had it cut yesterday, so long no more, but still). Someone who sees the missing twenty pounds I've lost in the past year. Someone who can look at me and see that I'm really pretty happy.

Ironically, my being pretty happy was sort of a sad thing for both of us. It means I've moved on. I'm happier now than I ever was in the four years that Art and I tortured each other with the relationship that couldn't be what I wanted. In that happiness I think we both sensed the finality of our relationship. Art was the person I turned to when everything else was up in the air. He was the one I always drifted back to as other things, other relationships, went wrong. Knowing that I always went back to him was a contributing factor to my leaving Chicago.

In my Baltimore life, there's not much room for him. At one point he came back to bed from a trip to the kitchen and Pixie had settled in his spot. He looked at her and said "You're in my spot!" and then he paused and said quietly "Oh, I guess I was in your spot." It was a moment that went unremarked and yet it remained with me. Every time we broke up he was still emotionally my boyfriend, just absent. He isn't anymore. It's the end of an era.

And the beginning of a new one!
I've decided to throw my hat back in the Match.com ring. I'm also considering JDate, though I have ambivalent feelings about that most Jewish of online matchmakers. I'm going to put together an adorable profile, have a new picture taken of my now svelt self, and find me my soulmate!


(Why do I hear Billy Crystal as Miracle Max commenting on this post?
"Have fun storming the castle."
"Do you think it'll work?"
"It'd take a miracle.")